The Phrases shared by A Dad That Saved Me during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of being a father.

Yet the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider failure to open up amongst men, who continue to absorb harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to request a respite - taking a short trip away, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."